Dear Human, Before You Trade Me In for a Goldfish...
Written by your teenage dog.
Hello. It's me.
The dog who used to come back every time you called.
The dog who could walk past another dog without acting like they'd just spotted their favourite celebrity.
The dog who seemed quite sensible.
I'd like to apologise for what happened. Unfortunately, I have become a teenager.
The Good News
I still love you.
The Bad News
I also now love:
Squirrels
Pigeons
Rabbits
Mud
Sticks
Random smells
That crisp packet blowing across the field
A dog I met once for three seconds last month
Literally anything that moves
Your competition has become fierce. Yesterday, you were the most exciting thing in my world. Today, the scent left behind by a squirrel at 4:17am is apparently the most important thing that has ever happened. I don't make the rules.
My Brain Is Under Renovation
You know how human teenagers sometimes make decisions that leave their parents staring out of the window wondering where it all went wrong?
Well, welcome to dog adolescence.
My brain is being rewired.
The parts responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation and decision-making are still developing. Some days everything seems to work beautifully. Other days it feels like someone has unplugged the control panel and replaced it with a squirrel.
One day I can perform a perfect recall. The next day I'm halfway across a field investigating what might be the most important smell in British history. It's not that I've forgotten my training. It's that my brain is under construction and the builders have misplaced the plans.
Everything Feels Bigger
Things that never worried me before can suddenly seem a bit suspicious.
That wheelie bin you've walked past every day for six months? Questionable.
The horse in the next field? Potentially dangerous.
The neighbour carrying a shopping bag? Clearly up to something.
Many dogs go through what's often called a second fear period during adolescence. Things that were previously familiar can suddenly seem worrying, startling or overwhelming.
Please don't assume I'm being naughty, stubborn or dramatic.
From my perspective, that innocent-looking traffic cone may have developed evil intentions overnight.
What helps most is patience. Let me look. Let me gather information. Give me space to work things out. The more calm and predictable you are, the safer I'll feel.
Hormones Are Doing Their Thing
You blame hormones for a lot of human teenage behaviour.
Well, they're influencing me too.
As I mature, hormones can affect my emotions, confidence and behaviour.
I may become:
More excitable
More emotional
More impulsive
More sensitive to stress
More interested in other dogs
More easily distracted
Less consistent than I used to be
Sometimes I feel brave.
Sometimes I feel uncertain.
Sometimes I feel both within the same five minutes.
Imagine trying to concentrate in class while someone keeps turning the volume up and down on your emotions. That's adolescence.
I'm Not Ignoring You... Exactly
I hear you calling. I know what the recall cue means. The problem is that while you're saying: "Come back, please." My nose is saying: "BREAKING NEWS! A pheasant was here!"
And honestly, my nose is very persuasive.
That Retrieve You've Been Working On...
Let's talk about retrieving.
You seem surprised that I don't always want to give things back.
Let's review the arrangement.
You throw something. I find it. I chase it. I catch it. I carry it. I proudly possess it.
Then you say: "Excellent. Now hand it over."
Have you considered how suspicious this arrangement looks from my perspective?
Imagine finding a £50 note and someone immediately saying: "Well done. I'll take that now."
Exactly. The amazing thing isn't that some dogs struggle with the handover. The amazing thing is that dogs learn to find something, carry it back and voluntarily hand it over to an entirely different species. That's teamwork.
What Helps Me Most:
1. Lower the Difficulty, Not Your Standards
If I'm struggling, I don't need a harder challenge. I need a more achievable one.
If recalls are falling apart in the park, go back to a quieter environment and rebuild success.
Training isn't an exam. It's education.
2. Become More Interesting
Many humans accidentally become boring. You walk in straight lines. You repeat cues. You become increasingly serious.
Meanwhile, the environment is hosting a festival.
Try:
Running away during recalls
Playing chase-me games
Hiding treats
Using surprise rewards
Letting me search for dummies
Changing direction unexpectedly
Make spending time out and about with you part of the adventure.
3. Reward the Good Stuff You Didn't Ask For
Did I check in with you? Reward it.
Did I notice another dog and choose to look back at you? Reward it.
Did I walk past a distraction without investigating? Definitely reward it.
Humans are often so busy correcting mistakes that they miss all the moments we're getting it right.
4. Play More Games
You call it training. I call it fun. Same thing.
Try:
Ping-pong recalls
Follow the Leader heelwork
Treasure Hunt Retrieves
Mouse in the Hole
Memory Retrieves
Stop Whistle Freeze
Find-it games
The more fun we have together, the more likely I am to choose you when distractions appear.
5. Give Me a Job
Many teenage dogs don't need longer walks.
They need opportunities to think.
Searching, retrieving, sniffing, solving problems and learning new skills can be far more satisfying than simply marching around the same field for another hour.
A tired body is useful. A satisfied brain is often even better.
And One More Thing...
Most of us get through adolescence with patience, guidance and a few embarrassing decisions.
But sometimes we need a little extra help.
If I suddenly become:
Increasingly fearful
Very anxious
Reactive towards people or dogs
Difficult to handle in everyday situations
Unable to settle or relax
Significantly worse despite consistent training
Please don't just tell yourself: "It's probably just adolescence."
Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't.
If my behaviour changes suddenly, especially if I seem uncomfortable, irritable or unlike myself, it's worth speaking to your vet. Pain and physical discomfort can have a huge impact on behaviour.
And if you're feeling overwhelmed, reach out to a qualified trainer or behaviourist sooner rather than later.
Seeking help isn't admitting failure. It's exactly what good dog owners do.
After all, if your teenager was struggling, you wouldn't wait until things became unbearable before offering support.
Why should it be any different for me?
What I Need You to Remember
I'm not trying to be difficult.
I'm growing up.
My body is changing.
My hormones are changing.
My emotions are changing.
My brain is literally rewiring itself while I'm trying to navigate a world that's suddenly far more exciting, challenging and sometimes a little overwhelming.
So if I seem chaotic right now, please don't panic.
Keep training.
Keep playing.
Keep helping me make good choices.
Keep celebrating the small wins.
One day you'll look back and realise that the teenager who couldn't walk past a squirrel became the adult who calmly checked in with you instead.
And when that day comes, all those games, all that patience and all those tiny moments of progress will have been worth it.
Until then, maybe keep the emergency recall treats handy.
Yours faithfully,
A Teenage Dog Who Is Trying Very Hard Not to Make Bad Decisions... But Can't Make Any Promises 🐾
